I hate you, I love you always

I hate that you treat me the way you do as if I am nothing or no one to you

You pick and choose when you want to call me your best friend and then call me nothing as if you don’t know me

Do I mean absolutely little to nothing to you? I fucking love you against all odds and the way you treat me but yet you still destroyed me over and over without fault or care

I don’t understand why I still care why I’m still here but I know deep down why it’s because I love you against all reason but at the same time I hate you I hate you for never choosing me wanting me mistreating me not loving me not caring for me and everything in the ways I do about you

I’ve shown up when you needed me wanted me every time but you never did the same for me

You destroyed me broke my heart my soul and it will never be repaired and it didn’t matter to you what you did to me, said to me, made me feel for you 

I don’t and have never mattered to you as a person a friend a best friend or anything else 

But you meant and still mean everything and I absolutely mean everything you mean absolutely everything to me 

You’re the love of my life my one my only one my best friend and yet you destroyed me broke me and for that I hate you but above all else I absolutely love you which out powers the hate and hurt and brokenness I feel because of you 

But sad truth is you’ll never know my love my care how much you matter to me everything because you’re to scared to admit you want us to give us a try you play it off but it’s all a life lie to yourself and to others 

I know better though and I’ll wait I have for four years and what is a life time or a hundred life times to wait for ones soulmate it’s truest of love patience loyalty it’s everything that this world is not but for me I am for you all that and more 

I hate you I love you always even though you broke me destroyed me in every way possible and so much more 

I love you I hate you but I love you above all else of meaning and reason

Forever and ever